Those Salad Chicks

February 22, 2018


Ok, so I'm sure you've seen that meme about how everyone has about 15 co-workers who walk around with salads and maybe 3 who actually work? Yes, I work in one of those environments. I know the ins and outs of all the particulars of my co-worker's salads, plus all the secret and covert carb loading they imbibe in day in and day out. It's exhausting to keep up with, yet impossible to not pay attention to and be fascinated by.


Sadie always brings her salads from home, yet requires the salad dressing to be picked up for her from a sandwich shop or bagel place - both of which "have honey mustard to die for". And god forbid someone forgets her dressing; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Sadie is full frontal Keto, yet she relapses hourly - the gummy fruit snacks she hoards, the absent minded bag of Smart Pop she gets from the vending machine here or there....and all her happy hour frivolities. Exhausting.


Angie loves a specific salad from the same bagel place, but always needs to make critical changes and amendments to the order (she's my spirit animal when it comes to wanting something just how you want it), yet if they make a mistake or she makes assumptions they should know her order by now (because don't they know who she is?) and she's not completely satisfied, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Angie has a stash of hot sauces in her desk drawer. She brings egg white scrambles from home; low fat cheese sticks, Babybel cheese snacks; this chick loves cheese. Yet she always raves about cauliflower crust pizzas and rice melanges-  ummm, has anyone clued her in to the fact cauliflower has some of the highest carb counts around? I'd love to. Still exhausted.


Both Angie and Sadie have these salads on an almost daily basis and I hear about all their goings-on for hours on end, it seems. They don't understand the concept of using their inside voices. They munch loudly and enthusiastically while trading cauliflower and spinach puff recipes. I'm sure a book will be written soon and they'll be the faces of salad loving low carb women everywhere who are oblivious to the death stares of thousands of office workers coast to coast. They'll become part of a new cultural zeitgeist with their salads...

Have I mentioned I'm exhausted?


They love to commiserate with one another about said salads, their on again off again love lives, the problematic men who just can't understand women like them. They're perfect, beautiful, worthy, capable...and exhausting...



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