Charming Southern Singletons

April 12, 2018

 

WOWSERS!  Bravo cuts straight to the chase with a prequel of a blowout between TRav’s two money hungry fame hoes.  ‘You’re nothing but an egg donor,’ Thomas’ latest ovary provider girlfriend shouts at his red-headed baby mama.  Per T Rav’s account, Trashley (it makes sense) seduced him at his nursing home in a bar in LA with the classless index finger motion.  Knowing all too well Thomas can’t say no to a thin, fake blond who went to school to aid ailing old men, it seemed to be pure fate.  Per piecing together conversation amongst Team Kathryn, Nurse Trashley can straight up smell gold from miles away and Kathryn has her work cut out for her.  Bravo leads us to believe that this bad-news-bear is out for blood.

 

The first ‘real’ scene (aside from a close-up of Patricia’s 85-carat diamond promise ring, Kathryn saging her house and Craig doing whatever the fuck Craig does), we get caught up with the now Buick-driving Shep and preggers Cameran as they sit on her bed scarfing down Chik-fil-a, which I believe is Shep’s breakfast/meal #1 of the day episode.  Pay close attention to how many meals this episode has Shep partaking in on his 38th birthday.

 

Kathryn’s hair is white trash and unfortunate as she shows off her track marks (or as she claims ‘some type of alcohol test’) to Dani who seems to be trying to make a dent this year after years of disappointment.  I must preface this with the fact that I have nothing against Dani; seriously.  The fact that she’s able to join the singles club after calling of her engagement to a completely random, heavy-set man twice her age (she claimed to have been dating for ten or so years??) and appears that she might make it through the season without needing ambulance assistance seems promising.  She looks alive this season and appears to have been hit with a venom transfusion from Kathryn; which is not a bad thing, folks.  (Did you see her go off on Trashley on that boat/railcar/whatever the fuck 1800s mode of transport?!  Pulling rank, girl!!)

 

The conversation between the two ladies quickly circles back from Dani’s canceled engagement to the irony behind this whole TRav-Ashley love connection and the fact that she just so happens to be a hospice nurse (and supposedly not the stripper kind.)  Kathryn is quick to call out the convenience with, ‘That will come in handy someday soon...’ I feel as though this is foreshadowing into his aging future and the lack of reality by which he exercises on a daily basis.

 

I’m at a loss on the timeline of this particular episode show as it’s near impossible to determine if this week’s filming occurred over the course of a few hours, a day or even a week?  I can only assume that the meet-up between Kathryn and Ashley occurred to kill time between Shep’s birthday meal #2; which is celebrated with a heart to heart with the now unemployed Austen and his broken heart.  Although unemployed, Austen is sleeping with the bartender (Victoria) and is able to swindle a bottle of Stella for his old man.  After a fairly yawn-ful conversation about Austen’s massive face-plant with Chelsea, Shep has to peace out of Windjammer to meet up with constantly coked-up Whitney who watches unenthusiastically Shep eat fried everything and talk about his hangover (by which I assume he means withdrawal between pit stops.)

 

Assuming it’s a day, Shep’s birthday meal #4 is at a butcher shop where he meets up with our favorite stay-at-home bachelor, Craig.  I mean, who better to plan your birthday dinner disaster than a failed attorney turned cat-sitter by day and seamstress by might.  This new to the scene party planner is totally down to put his needlework aside to place house with fire, a commercial smoker and enough ribs for a Kansas City barbeque.  ‘Consider the charcoal the medium sticks,’ says Grillmaster Craig who proceeds in Googling each and every step of the grilling process.  It was clear the only item he’s familiar with is raw chicken. 

 

While the grill/barbeque goes to hell in a handbasket, we watch All the Single Ladies meet up as Naomi’s new housewhile the girls have a very open and honest dialogue surrounding Shep’s condom use or lack thereof.  We cover a lot of bases here and a lot of truths surrounding Singleville USA.

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